Everybody Can't Go With You

03/20/2011

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Find more blogs by Jae Henderson at My Side of the Single Life, http://imagoodwoman2.blogspot.com. You can also purchase my book, Someday here, http://www.amazon.com/shops/jaehenderson. This has been one of the hardest lessons for me to learn. Sometimes the most gut-wrenching thing to do is leave the ones you care for behind, even if it is for the best. However, the truth of the matter is everyone is not moving at the same pace you are or in the same direction so you may have to cut them loose. Sometimes you hang on for comfort or convenience. Sometimes because you don’t want to cause anyone pain. Moving on doesn’t mean you still can’t call and check on them from time to time it just means you won’t talk as much because your focus has shifted elsewhere. We’ve all had to do it…the friend who still wants to go to the club every weekend and you’ve decided you have better things to do. Or maybe you got married and/or had a baby and your single friends can’t relate to you like they used to. Perhaps, you started a business and it consumes 75% of your day so you can no longer sit on the phone for hours talking to your girls about their problems.  The separation may hurt—whether the hurt comes from them or you. Yet, the laws of nature dictate that as you move forward what was in front of you will one day find itself behind you if it is not moving alongside you. God brings people into our lives for a moment, a reason, a season or a lifetime. If the friendship is doing you more harm than good it may be time to let it go because your season has ended and you have a lifetime to live in peace and positivity.

If you have to part ways with someone do it with love in your heart, gratitude for what you have shared and openness that allows for the friendship to be rekindled later on down the line. You may even want to consider keeping an open door policy so they know even though you’re not as tight as you used to be if they ever need you, they can call. Now, if a situation or altercation happened that makes that friendship unable to be salvaged, make peace with yourself and your decision and keep moving forward with a smile on your face and good memories of the two of you.

But always remember you are no better than anyone else although you may be in a better state of mind and in a better place.

Find more blogs by Jae Henderson at My Side of the Single Life, http://imagoodwoman2.blogspot.com. You can also purchase my book, Someday here, http://www.amazon.com/shops/jaehenderson.

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So You Wanna Be A Bitch?

05/22/2010

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Bitch- \ˈbich\ (noun) 1 : the female of the dog or some other carnivorous mammals 2 a : a lewd or immoral woman b : a malicious, spiteful, or overbearing woman —sometimes used as a generalized term of abuse 3 : something that is extremely difficult, objectionable, or unpleasant

Pop culture influences so much…the way we walk, the way we dress, the way we wear our hair, and it most certainly influences our vocabulary. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much bad English become instantly acceptable. I pay close attention to the trends and some I accept others I reject with staunch fierceness. This notion of referring to a woman as a bitch as a positive thing is something I just can’t get with. This term was once considered an insult but somewhere around junior high I noticed that it began to be a term of endearment among my female counterparts. It was nothing for a woman to refer to her girlfriend as bitch in casual conversation and no one get offended. Now, so many of us proudly proclaim it as a sign of strength and success calling ourselves Da Baddest Bitch, The Five Star Bitch, and The Bitch You Love to Hate, The Last Bitch Standing or Dat Bitch. Successful comedienne’s and female MC’s use the term loosely when describing themselves. There’s even Bitch wine and Sassy Bitch wine to wet our palettes. I liken this trend to the use of the word nigger, although not nearly as profane or with such a deep history of degradation and pain. Nigger or nigga, as some say, is now term of endearment or comradery among many African Americans but a heinous insult worthy of a lawsuit or a beat down when used by another race. If we women refer to ourselves as bitches all day long in conversation, music, books and other forms of media and entertainment can we really get mad when it is hurled at us as an insult? Especially, by the male gender. You did say you were his bottom bitch, right?

I wondered if I was missing something, so I searched Merriam-Webster for a positive definition but was left void. Every definition was negative. I even find the use of the word to describe a strong, intelligent woman almost comical because when the term is used to describe a man it means weak, whiny, whipped---anything but strong. So which is it? Are these female bitches strong or weak because someone has it twisted?

Sometimes bitch is used to describe all women in general. Remember Jay Z’s popular line I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one. Ladies, at what point do we get offended? Anything hip hop calls us in a hot song we are able to shake our assets to we accept….bitch, tip drill, bust it baby, or ho. Remember the popular club joint “It’s Some Hoes in this House?”. My sisters, at what point do we want something more positive for ourselves? This self-degradation has got to stop. I realize me fighting against the word’s use is probably futile since it’s so widespread now. Kind of like the NAACP burying the N-word. It was resurrected by the masses before the dirt even hit the coffin. So, I’ll just say my piece in this blog, agree to disagree with all my sisters who really think they’re bitches (SMH), and cling to old saying, it’s not what I’m called but what I answer to. I am 100% woman, but I’m nobody’s bitch.
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