Bitch- \ˈbich\ (noun) 1 : the female of the dog or some other carnivorous mammals 2 a : a lewd or immoral woman b : a malicious, spiteful, or overbearing woman —sometimes used as a generalized term of abuse 3 : something that is extremely difficult, objectionable, or unpleasant

Pop culture influences so much…the way we walk, the way we dress, the way we wear our hair, and it most certainly influences our vocabulary. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much bad English become instantly acceptable. I pay close attention to the trends and some I accept others I reject with staunch fierceness. This notion of referring to a woman as a bitch as a positive thing is something I just can’t get with. This term was once considered an insult but somewhere around junior high I noticed that it began to be a term of endearment among my female counterparts. It was nothing for a woman to refer to her girlfriend as bitch in casual conversation and no one get offended. Now, so many of us proudly proclaim it as a sign of strength and success calling ourselves Da Baddest Bitch, The Five Star Bitch, and The Bitch You Love to Hate, The Last Bitch Standing or Dat Bitch. Successful comedienne’s and female MC’s use the term loosely when describing themselves. There’s even Bitch wine and Sassy Bitch wine to wet our palettes. I liken this trend to the use of the word nigger, although not nearly as profane or with such a deep history of degradation and pain. Nigger or nigga, as some say, is now term of endearment or comradery among many African Americans but a heinous insult worthy of a lawsuit or a beat down when used by another race. If we women refer to ourselves as bitches all day long in conversation, music, books and other forms of media and entertainment can we really get mad when it is hurled at us as an insult? Especially, by the male gender. You did say you were his bottom bitch, right?

I wondered if I was missing something, so I searched Merriam-Webster for a positive definition but was left void. Every definition was negative. I even find the use of the word to describe a strong, intelligent woman almost comical because when the term is used to describe a man it means weak, whiny, whipped---anything but strong. So which is it? Are these female bitches strong or weak because someone has it twisted?

Sometimes bitch is used to describe all women in general. Remember Jay Z’s popular line I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one. Ladies, at what point do we get offended? Anything hip hop calls us in a hot song we are able to shake our assets to we accept….bitch, tip drill, bust it baby, or ho. Remember the popular club joint “It’s Some Hoes in this House?”. My sisters, at what point do we want something more positive for ourselves? This self-degradation has got to stop. I realize me fighting against the word’s use is probably futile since it’s so widespread now. Kind of like the NAACP burying the N-word. It was resurrected by the masses before the dirt even hit the coffin. So, I’ll just say my piece in this blog, agree to disagree with all my sisters who really think they’re bitches (SMH), and cling to old saying, it’s not what I’m called but what I answer to. I am 100% woman, but I’m nobody’s bitch.

It’s Spring time which means its time to clean up and spruce up our homes. Many of you will be doing home repairs and improvements now that the weather is warmer and the husband of one of our faithful readers has offered some wonderful tips on how to select a business to do the work for you. Thank you so much Christopher Thornton of CT Welding.

When selecting a small business to perform work for you, you should:

1.       Select a company willing to provide you with a free estimate.

2.       Always get more than one estimate. (At least three.)

3.       Ask for references and check them out.

4.       Be specific in what you want.

5.       The location of where work needs to be performed may increase your total price i.e. – Arlington, Whitehaven, Germantown; So selecting a business close by maybe an advantage.

 6.       Ask for dates of when work will start and a date when work is to be completed.  Ask for a discount if work is not completed on time.

I am a huge fan of supporting small businesses so if you could use a BBQ pit, wrought iron fence, wood fence, garage, and more give Chris Thornton a call at 901.283.9718 or email him at weldingct3978@att.net.

 

Many of the topics we embrace on IGW are designed to help make us better. However, it is also important to be happy where you are. Some of us desire better jobs, a spouse, children, a better body, etc. I encourage you to set goals that will allow you to achieve those things but while you’re working on the enhanced version of you love the you, you are now. Very few of us are exactly where we want to be in life but I’m a firm believer that God blesses us according to our faith, his favor and our ability to be good stewards over what he has given us. If you want a house, take good care of that apartment you have now. Maybe it’s a luxury car you desire. Learn how to maintain the car you have now. Is it clean? Are you getting regularly scheduled maintenance and oil changes or is it dirty, one tire is low on air and you can’t remember the last time you had an oil change? So you want a better job? Are you working in your current position to the best of your ability while applying for a new one or are you producing mediocre work, complaining every day and wishing somebody would miraculously offer you a new job?  Have you looked into going to school so you can start on a new and exciting career? In order to have what you’ve never had, you have to do what you’ve never done. So you want a man? Learn to be happy being single. There are so many things you can do when you’re single that you can’t just up and do on a whim when you’re married. Go do them and have a darn good time! When life is good is shows all over you but especially in your face. The best accessory I know is a smile. Get your facial bling bling on! Men love a happy, self-confident, self-fulfilled woman and before you know it that smile and positive disposition will become a magnet and Mr. Right will appear.

I know smiling and doing your best in a less than favorable situation can be challenging, but it’s not impossible. You can do it my sister because with GOD all things are possible. Be the best in all you do and someone who is able to elevate your position will take notice and you will be rewarded. You can have it all, but it won’t happen over night. In the interim, be happy where you. The smile that decorates your face during your present will be even wider when the blessings start pouring in.

I’m 33, single and loving life. At this age I’m too old to be gullible and too young to be bitter about still being single. However, in order to recognize love when it comes your way you have to know what those four letters are and what they are not. Therefore, in this blog I’m examining the L word. Actions speak louder than words. I’ve heard “I love you” several times and it always sounds good, but if there are no actions to back it up then the brotha’ might as well have saved that breath for future oxygen intake. The best example of love in action can be found in one of my favorite books---The Bible. If you ever want to know if someone truly loves you give them the 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 test. It always works for me.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.8 Love never fails.

In other words, if he rarely gives you compliments, buys you gifts or does the things he knows you like "just because" and on special occasions, if he is regularly mean/rude to you, is jealous of you and what God has blessed you with or is unsupportive, if he thinks he’s all that and you should be happy to be in his conceited presence because he’s doing you a favor, if he always puts himself before you and just expects you to deal with it, if he seems pleased when bad things come your way and can’t wait to say “I told you so” or he’s always bringing up old stuff that the two of you supposedly moved past, if he doesn’t seem concerned for your safety or he never believes what you say and at the slightest sign of trouble he wants to bounce----he or she DOES NOT LOVE YOU! (Yes, I know that is a long sentence.) At that point you should really examine your future with that individual.

Now don’t get me wrong, we all have our flaws and the special someone in our lives may unintentionally exhibit some of these ugly traits. The question is if those flaws are pointed out is that individual willing to work on them in order to become a better mate for you? If not, you may not be getting the LOVE you deserve. I believe LOVE is something we all need in order to reach our full potential. However, you must also measure yourself by the same standard. Are you loving the one you're with the way you're supposed to?

In this rat race we call life there are four types of people:

The Underachiever- One who lives beneath his/her potential and is at ease in doing so.  They are often described as unmotivated or lazy.

The Go Getter- One who realizes that he/she could achieve great things with a solid plan and hard work and has set the wheels in motion to do so

The Content- The person who is happy where he/she is for the moment and has no problem just sitting back to enjoy the view

The Overachiever-  Someone who consistently goes above and beyond the expectations of others;  Often described as a driven or a workaholic.

Which Category Do You Fall In?

There is a place in this world for all four types of people.  I generally fall in category 2 and 3.  I set a goal and once I achieve it I like to sit back and enjoy it.  I don’t have to have it all, just a piece of it. I admit sometimes I sit a little too long.  What can I say?  I’m laid back and I don’t like drama and stress.  Also, I believe that since you only get one life it is truly meant to be enjoyed but there in lies my dilemma.  I need money in order to enjoy life the way I truly want to enjoy it!  So what do I do….I’m working hard now so I can sit back later.  Sometimes I wonder how long I can continue to have one full-time job, three part-time jobs and no off days but when my body, mind and spirit say slow down….I will slow down.  I have to because I have things to do, places to see and people to meet.  I can’t do that if I’m dead.

Moving On…..

If you are an underachiever….STOP THAT!  You are causing yourself to live beneath the fullness God has enabled you to have.  He has given you all the tools to be a success, to enjoy a fruitful prosperous life but because you refuse to work hard you don’t have all the blessings you could have.  But if your plight in life is to make others look good through your lack of effort…then I guess you are being successful at something. TRY HARDER!

I love to see people who have achieved success!  However, the problem I have with some overachievers is that that are so busy trying to have it all that oftentimes they don’t take the time to just sit back and enjoy what they have. That person is often very hard to make happy because what they have is never enough.  Those are the ones who rarely take vacations and don’t spend enough time with their friends and family.  I know this doesn’t apply to all overachievers. Someone has to be described at great, a trailblazer or top in their field.   We all want to be successful.  We all want to leave a legacy but, to my overachievers who are on their way to a massive meltdown,  it’s okay to live in the moment every now and then and enjoy what God has blessed you with.  If not now…make sure you do it later before it’s too late. 

QUOTES

“You can have it all, just not at the same time.”  Leanne Klienneman Commercial Appeal  Editor (I recognize she probably didn’t say it first, but she was the first person I heard say it.)

“I never heard a man on his death bed say, I should have spent more time at the office.” (Not Sure)

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light not our darkness that frightens most of us.”—Nelson Mandela

Just Some Food for Thought.

I honor of the new year and new opportunities I am repositing this blog.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not the most organized person on the planet. Well, in an effort to rid myself of mounds of paperwork and make room for more paperwork I really need, I asked a friend to give me a file cabinet and got to work cleaning house.  I was amazed at some of the "stuff" I was hoarding. I still had all my receipts for the bursar's office at the University of Memphis. Mind you I graduated in 1999!  I found three love letters I wrote to my ex-boyfriend back in the late 90’s. I WAS SO RIDICULOUSLY SPRUNG! I had poems I forgot I had written, scripts I wrote during my time as a writer for the Tom Joyner Morning Show, notes from various classes I had taken and a bunch of other "stuff" I won't name.  Most of it I didn't want nor did I need.  As I delved through the files of my life I realized three things:   

1)   I had done a lot of things I had forgotten about. 

2)  I need an excellent, super strength shredder. 

3)  I need to clean house more regularly.  

Let's go with that and use it as a metaphor for life.  Remember to clean house emotionally, mentally and physically on a regular basis. We all have emotional baggage and things we have neglected to discard but when that baggage weighs us down, prevents us from moving forward or takes up so much room we can't add to our lives, there's a problem. Is anything holding you back?  Are you still in love with someone you used to date back in the day?  He’s probably moved on and married and here you are pining away about what might have been. Do you have a closet full of clothes that don't fit anymore and you're telling people about how fine you used to be?  (Lose the weight or donate them to Goodwill) Are you mad because someone got the promotion you felt you deserved?  Are you still crying inside because your father wasn't there? Are you still bitter because someone broke your heart or had sex with you and acted like you didn't matter afterward. Now, all men are dogs and the woman he is with is an unattractive, gold digging whore. Are you still beating yourself up because of a bad decision you made that you can't fix? I am not without sympathy because I’ve been there. Although, your pain may be completely legitimate you should want to stop hurting. Letting go isn't always easy but enduring the pain in order to reach the breakthrough is usually worth it. It’s not healthy to wallow in sorrow, anger or regret. 

Love yourself enough to forgive the person that hurt you and then let it all go.  Will yourself to heal yourself.  You cannot thrive and live out the wonderful life God has planned for you in a cluttered, emotionally toxic environment. Do yourself a HUGE favor and clean house! Keep the precious memories and throw the rest out. If you need therapy don’t be too proud to get it. Do what you have to do to be emotionally, mentally and physically healthy. Happiness is a wonderful place to reside. Put those bags down girl and give your arms a rest. 

In case no one has told you lately my sisters….you are beautiful!

This year I’ve had a really hard time getting into the Christmas spirit. The current economy has me on a very strict budget as I dole out money to get some mandatory repairs on the car and the house done. Christmas just seems more like a financial burden than a reason to celebrate. Yes, I know it’s the anniversary of Jesus’ birth and none of that commercialized nonsense should matter but you and I both know it does. As I sat bah humbugging I began to reminisce about previous Christmases. As a child, I couldn’t wait to put up the Christmas tree. That plastic thing we drug out of the closet each year to decorate with various ornaments to put our presents beneath. My favorite decorative feature was always the lights. Depending on the bulbs we selected that year sometimes they would blink, other times that would emit an uwavering stream of light and I in my awe, curiosity and wonder would sit at night on the couch basking in their glow until I fell asleep. There was something so magical about it. I also remember making ornaments in elementary school and bringing them home to my mother. I’m sure our tree looked a hot mess with my cotton ball beard Santa Clause, clay whatevers and silver tinsel I had strewn every which way because I had to put some all over. Then on Christmas night I would leave juice and whatever sugary treat we had in the house for old St. Nick. The next morning I would awake to a tree surrounded by presents with my name on them and close by was an empty plate, drained cup and a thank you note I thought was from my favorite jolly old elf. I felt so special! As I got older the tree took on a lovelier form with color coordinated ornaments that had been strategically placed throughout but no matter how old I get my favorite adornment will be the lights. That almost ethereal glow emitted from an inanimate object erected once a year to bring joy to all always made me smile.

There are other fond Christmas memories. When I was in junior high, during the break I would invite over two of my closest friends to bake chocolate chip cookies from scratch. None of that premade dough you find next to the biscuits in the grocery store. There was flour, eggs, sugar, baking soda and mounds of chocolate chips we tried desperately not to eat up before we got them in the batter. While we mixed and laughed I played Christmas music from Johnnie Mathis, Mahalia Jackson, LaFace Records and anyone else in the house. I still think Toni Braxton’s version of “The Christmas Song” rocks. When the cookies were done we would brush the flour off our clothes and split up our baked goods. My friends would go home and I would revel in the fact that I had amazing peers in my life. Oh, and I can’t leave out those Christmas classic TV specials like Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, A Christmas Carol, Miracle on Something Street, It’s A Wonderful Life and Merry Christmas Charlie Brown. They all seemed to help usher in the spirit of the holiday. Now, I’m wondering how do I recapture the spirit of Christmas at I time when I’m too old to believe in Santa, my gifts are few, my money is low, I don’t have time to watch TV and I seem to find a good chunk of my holiday joy laughing at the drunks at various Christmas parties? And yes I know Jesus is the reason for the season but prayer and the Nativity just ain't working right now! Bah humbug…what happened to the magic of Christmas?

Well, since I’ve become an adult and secured my own place I haven’t bothered to purchase let alone decorate a Christmas tree. My rationale has been that Christmas trees are for families…two or more people who live in the same house and get on each other’s nerves. There was no need for me to put one up just for me. Too much work for just one person and not enough people to enjoy my labor. Well last week while walking through Walmart my attention was caught by the glimmer of a pre-lit Christmas tree, and I decided to throw out my previous philosophy and get one. It’s not much--only four feet tall but I picked out some lovely gold and red ornaments, bows and garland to adorn it. I bought a beautiful tree topper only to discover it was too heavy for my little fir but even without it I think it’s just gorgeous. Now the approaching holiday doesn’t seem so glum as I sit on my couch in the dark sipping tea and watching the glimmer of my first Christmas tree as an adult. Just like in the days of my childhood I’m basking in the glow of Christmas. Maybe I’ll call my friends and see who wants to help me bake cookies from scratch.

May you and yours have a wonderful Christmas! Happy Birthday baby Jesus!

 

 

 

We’ve all heard people say, “I could complain but nobody wants to hear it anyway.”  Well, for the most part it’s true. However, there is a difference between complaining and just needing a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen. We all have those days when we wonder “Why Me?” and “What the hell did I do to deserve this?” When life is unfair we run to our friends, significant other or family with our “woe is me” stories. After we’ve told the story, cried our eyes out, received a few “I’m so sorry to hear thats” and possibly some good advice, we have to ask ourselves what’s next. Are we going to wallow in self pity? As Whitney Houston would say, hell to the naw! You pick your behind up and attack that situation like it just tried to run off with your new Coach bag---that’s what you do! If you can fix it, get to fixin’. If you can’t, fix your attitude. One of the worst states I know to be in is helplessness. That’s when, no matter what you say or do, you can’t change a thing even though the situation is hurting like hell. Situations such as illness, death, irreconcilable break ups and taxes can fall in that category. You have to resolve to be happy in spite of your circumstances. It’s so easy to get caught up in what’s going wrong and forget about what’s going right.

I used to be a chronic complainer. I hated my life, my body, the direction my career was going and being single. I’m sure I was a freakin’ joy to be around. I’m glad I have a big sister who’s not afraid to tell me to grow up and shut up. Your perception of life truly does help determine the quality of your life. I am always amazed by people who are facing dire situations, as big as mountains, who don’t complain and are capable of keeping a smile on their faces. However, their secret is simple.  They are happy because they choose to be. So the next time you’re feeling a little down, count your blessings and I’m sure you’ll realize just how wonderful your life truly is. We all have something to be grateful for. 

Do this little exercise and make a list of 10 things you are grateful for. They can be big or small. The point is that they bring you joy! Here are mine:

1. Good health
2. Mental stability
3. A home
4. Amazing family and friends
5. A business that pays my bills (I’m working on a thriving business)
6. A great sense of humor (Laughter makes so many situations easier to bear)
7. A closet full of cute shoes
8. The ability to write and encourage others
9. A convertible car to help me further enjoy God’s goodness on great weather days
10. A sharp tongue to put B.S. men in check

Now, post your list where you can see it on a regular basis so you can constantly be reminded of how good you actually have it. Love yourself ladies because you’re the best thing you’ve got!

This past summer I did some traveling in an effort to enhance my voice over career. For those who don’t know, voice overs are the voices you hear on radio, TV, videos, etc. that come from someone you don’t see. I’ve been doing them for over seven years and I think I’m pretty good but I always looked at them as supplemental income.  I never really thought about pursuing them full-time until I reached a point in my life where I just wasn’t happy with my career. This jolt to do them more came about four months ago when I landed a job as “the voice” of Holliday’s Fashions clothing retail chain and it rekindled my love for the craft. I love going to the studio every month to record their upcoming commercials. I get a kick our of hearing myself on the radio and listening to my voice in the TV commercials. I suddenly became very aware that if there was one thing I could do and enjoy until I have to be put six feet under it would be voice overs first and writing second. However, it won’t be easy. The world of VO is saturated right now and only the really good or extremely lucky are able to make a living at it. So, to give myself a solid foundation and hopefully an extra edge I saved up some money and took some time off to travel and train with coaches, while networking with other people in the business. I visited Nashville, Dallas and Los Angeles. My travels were full of eye-opening experiences, the meeting of great people with great advice and some hard learned lessons. I returned home more determined than ever to make it. I must admit, my gigs have increased but not enough to pay all my bills.

 

 

So let me ask you, “What is your ideal job? If you could do one thing the rest of your life and possibly get paid for it what would it be?”  I bet it involves using one or several of your God-given gifts. Recently at church one of the ministers spoke a prolific but simple word. She said God gives each of us gifts and gifts are meant to be given away or shared with others. If you are not doing so you are wasting your gifts. What gifts are you wasting? God gave each of us so many talents and many of us allow them to waste away as we get older and responsibilities set in--spouse, children, bills, and the jobs/careers that help us take care of those things but don’t necessarily bring us fulfillment or joy. I’m not saying leave your family, quit your job and move to Hollywood but what I am saying is make time for the things that bring you and others joy. Do you like to act? I’m sure there’s a community theatre near you. Do you work well with your hands—pottery, furniture, painting, gardening—whatever! Do you love to dance and choreograph, sing, cook, design clothes, encourage others to excellence? Find a quiet place in your home or a group that does what you desire to do and get to work. I’m sure you’ll find you’re a much happier person and the sense of accomplishment you will feel will be better than you ever imagined. If your problem is just sheer laziness then you are pathetic. Yep I said it, just plain ole pathetic. Get off you behind and get to work!

 

I don’t believe in excuses. I don’t accept them and neither should you. Especially when they’re coming from the person you see in the mirror everyday. You are capable of living your best life now but you have to want it. Give yourself a pep talk and/or a kick in the arc and get motivated to start making your dreams come true. And who knows, you may find people who are willing to pay you for the talent(s) you have been hiding all these years. And wouldn’t that just be the icing on your favorite cake--getting paid to do something that you love!

 

Wish me luck and I’m doing the same for you!  If you would like to hear my demos please visit www.jaehendersonline.com. Feel free to share your gifts with me as well.