Beverly Robertson Revels In Having It All
There are very few people I believe qualify to wear the title of “Superwoman,” and Beverly Robertson is one of them. Her work ethic has always amazed me, and I couldn’t possibly imagine working as hard as she does with a family. Since 1997, she has served as the president of the National Civil Rights Museum. She often works late hours and travels out of town to meet the demands of her career which includes directing the day-to-day operations of the National Civil Rights Museum. Through her hard work, she has enhanced operations, developed a new organizational structure, secured additional deep-pocket sponsors for their annual Freedom Award Banquet, achieved heightened visibility for the Museum as well as expanded its exhibit space, and established an archiving and collections program. She has always been a forward thinker with big ideas. Prior to joining the Museum, she and her husband, Howard, worked side by side daily as the principals of their company TRUST Marketing & Communications, Inc. It was founded in 1991 and continues to operate with Howard at the helm. Prior to that Beverly worked for Holiday Inn Worldwide, where over the course of 19 years, she worked her way from a part-time reservationist to vice president of communications and marketing. Beverly and I have spoken several times about a myriad of topics but rarely have we discussed her husband of the last 33 years. I knew she was passionate about her work but during this interview, I got the chance to see that she is even more passionate about her man and her three adult children Adrienne, Howard III and Ryan. Rather than give you a transcribed interview of our conversation, I decided to break it down. Here are Beverly Robertson’s 8 Rules for Having It All. Read it and then go get it girls!
1. Choose the right man.
You have to have someone who understands that both of you are working. If you are in an entrepreneurial business you are not working traditional business hours. You are working whatever hours the business dictates. Some people are married to individuals who want that hot meal on the table when they get home, the clothes ironed every morning and want you there just so they can look at you goo-goo eyed. That is not the life Howard and I live. We miss each other coming and going a lot of times. You have to have an individual or a partner who shares your perspective and understands the demands that are placed upon you.
2. Get to know your mate and put important issues on the table early.
Some of the biggest discussions you have when you first get married and throughout your marriage is about money and inevitably somebody is a spender and somebody is a saver. When we first got married Howard was a musician, it was pretty easy for him to go out and buy a clarinet or a saxophone and I would be thinking with the money we were going to do something else with? Or he’d say, “I bought that big screen TV for the house.” We had to have a talk because he was not supposed make decisions like that independent of me. Both of our incomes contributed to the net of our household. So, if one of us wants to buy something that is a significant expenditure that is a discussion point. We also discussed something else. I said I did not want us to be absorbed in each other. We are two individuals, we work well together, but we don’t repeat each other. We both respect what each other is doing. We need time away from each other doing our own things and we need time together. We decided early on to take two trips a year. We took one family trip with the kids and one with just us. So much happens over the course of a year when you have three kids that are very close (in age) together. You spend your life running around getting them involved and engaging them, and it’s easy for you to get lost in them and not have any time for yourself. We made some very good decisions, and we put the issues on the table early so it was no surprise moving forward. It was plain, simple hard work and we did it together.
3. Prioritize—family first.
For me, it meant as much to be with my kids when they were growing up as it does for me to be with Howard now that they’re grown. Every experience we had with our kids was a rare and rich learning experience. To me, the difference between success and failure for children has a lot to do with the extent of their exposure to things that are different, to things that they wouldn’t normally be accustomed to. So many children are limited by their environment and for us, it was worth it for us to invest in time away that allowed us to stay in hotels, that allowed us to go to the Smithsonian Institute and other places that provided teachable moments with our children. It was difficult when we had to get up in the mornings and get three little babies ready to go and take them to daycare and three different schools when they got older. We were clerk of the course on the swim team and then we had to go to the tennis matches. But you know what? It’s those exposures that made our childrens’ lives very rich and created moments they will never forget.
4. Find balance.
You can’t go too far in one direction without balancing it on the other side. I might work until 10 o’clock at night all week long but when it’s a holiday we relax or we may decide we want to take off and spend a week or a weekend somewhere. Just as hard as you work you must relax and play and take time for yourself and your family. We had to balance what we did at home with work, a very active spiritual life and a very involved community life. I was on several boards. In fact I chaired the board of directors of Girls, Inc. for about 10 years while my kids were growing up. I’ve been very active in my sorority, Delta Sigma Theta. Now, while my kids were really young I did take some time off. I embargoed work with the sorority because it can be so intense. You cannot be a bench-warmer if you are a good committed person because somehow people find you and want you to chair something (LOL).
1. Choose the right man.
You have to have someone who understands that both of you are working. If you are in an entrepreneurial business you are not working traditional business hours. You are working whatever hours the business dictates. Some people are married to individuals who want that hot meal on the table when they get home, the clothes ironed every morning and want you there just so they can look at you goo-goo eyed. That is not the life Howard and I live. We miss each other coming and going a lot of times. You have to have an individual or a partner who shares your perspective and understands the demands that are placed upon you.
2. Get to know your mate and put important issues on the table early.
Some of the biggest discussions you have when you first get married and throughout your marriage is about money and inevitably somebody is a spender and somebody is a saver. When we first got married Howard was a musician, it was pretty easy for him to go out and buy a clarinet or a saxophone and I would be thinking with the money we were going to do something else with? Or he’d say, “I bought that big screen TV for the house.” We had to have a talk because he was not supposed make decisions like that independent of me. Both of our incomes contributed to the net of our household. So, if one of us wants to buy something that is a significant expenditure that is a discussion point. We also discussed something else. I said I did not want us to be absorbed in each other. We are two individuals, we work well together, but we don’t repeat each other. We both respect what each other is doing. We need time away from each other doing our own things and we need time together. We decided early on to take two trips a year. We took one family trip with the kids and one with just us. So much happens over the course of a year when you have three kids that are very close (in age) together. You spend your life running around getting them involved and engaging them, and it’s easy for you to get lost in them and not have any time for yourself. We made some very good decisions, and we put the issues on the table early so it was no surprise moving forward. It was plain, simple hard work and we did it together.
3. Prioritize—family first.
For me, it meant as much to be with my kids when they were growing up as it does for me to be with Howard now that they’re grown. Every experience we had with our kids was a rare and rich learning experience. To me, the difference between success and failure for children has a lot to do with the extent of their exposure to things that are different, to things that they wouldn’t normally be accustomed to. So many children are limited by their environment and for us, it was worth it for us to invest in time away that allowed us to stay in hotels, that allowed us to go to the Smithsonian Institute and other places that provided teachable moments with our children. It was difficult when we had to get up in the mornings and get three little babies ready to go and take them to daycare and three different schools when they got older. We were clerk of the course on the swim team and then we had to go to the tennis matches. But you know what? It’s those exposures that made our childrens’ lives very rich and created moments they will never forget.
4. Find balance.
You can’t go too far in one direction without balancing it on the other side. I might work until 10 o’clock at night all week long but when it’s a holiday we relax or we may decide we want to take off and spend a week or a weekend somewhere. Just as hard as you work you must relax and play and take time for yourself and your family. We had to balance what we did at home with work, a very active spiritual life and a very involved community life. I was on several boards. In fact I chaired the board of directors of Girls, Inc. for about 10 years while my kids were growing up. I’ve been very active in my sorority, Delta Sigma Theta. Now, while my kids were really young I did take some time off. I embargoed work with the sorority because it can be so intense. You cannot be a bench-warmer if you are a good committed person because somehow people find you and want you to chair something (LOL).
You can't do it alone......
5. Utilize extended family.
We had a very strong extended family to help us raise our children. I had a pretty intense corporate job and I was traveling all over the world when I worked for Holiday Inn. Howard’s job was anchored here. Plus, my mother and his mother lived here. In addition to that, when we had an opportunity to get together we took the kids with us and the grandmothers. We literally made it a family affair. It was a beautiful thing. Even for those who are married and don’t have strong extended family sometimes your friends don’t mind keeping the kids so you can have some me time.
6. Remember your husband is the man of the house and let him be the man.
I used to run so much stuff. When I was in corporate I ran a department. When I’m at church I tend to be a leader. What I recognize is that men have this thing called EGO and they need to feel that they are not only desirable but they’re needed. I think the extent to which women are strategic and smart and savvy in how we make him feel those things is really important. So many times we feel we have to tell men how things are going to be done. Well that might be fine if it’s not someone that you intend to build a life with because if you really love somebody then you understand and get into their head and give them what they need to keep them strong and to pump their ego and to make sure they feel valued. Everybody has a desire to feel valued.
Always let your man think an idea or a decision is his, but you know it was really yours (LOL)! Always make the man feel like he is the man. Some young women don’t understand the value of that. What I have come to realize is if you want something, plant a seed, pepper it with comments and let it grow. Then one day he’ll come to you with an idea that you knew was yours all along. Just say great idea! Where’d you get that from! If you’re smart, wise and mature you’ll understand. (LOL) That works in business too.
7. Rely on trust and be committed.
I was often gone, but Howard never gave me any reason to doubt his loyalty and his commitment to me. I guess I would have been a little more scrutinizing and less secure in my position if he had. The foundation of any strong relationship, especially a marriage, is trust. The moment that trust is shaken by an indiscretion it would be very difficult to rebuild that trust again. I don’t have time to run a man down and try to figure out who he’s talking to. I’ve got too much to do.
Howard and I have had issues where we disagreed but we never thought about one of us leaving. We’ve never even talked about that. I’m in this for life.
8. Be willing to compromise and do things your mate likes.
All relationships require compromise. Howard is a traditional male and he very much believes I need to cook and I need to do this and that. Well, I also believe that if you get home first you need to start dinner and you need to put the dishes in the dishwasher (LOL)! Sometimes women have to work on molding that. Household duties have to be a shared responsibility in a busy household, but I make sure our home is the way he likes it. Howard doesn’t ask for much. He’s pretty easy. He likes a clean, organized house. He likes for me to be available to do things with him when it’s important to him. He would like for me to spend less time working and more time relaxing but it’s really hard for me to do that in the middle of so much stuff that I have on my plate. He loves to travel, and I love to travel. Howard is spontaneous so sometimes I try to surprise him with spontaneity and that works for us. It’s all about how you view it and when you realize that the end result is respect, admiration, love, a long term commitment and affection and all of those things that are wonderful about relationships---you don’t mind the compromise.
Howard is a good husband and father. Around Thanksgiving, I mentioned that we had never been to Paris and suggested we go for New Year’s Eve. I don’t think I was even all that serious, but Howard got to work planning the trip and that’s where we brought our New Year’s in together. That was done out of love and I know it. I’m very blessed.
Explore the male point of view of having it all by visiting with her husband, Howard Robertson.
We had a very strong extended family to help us raise our children. I had a pretty intense corporate job and I was traveling all over the world when I worked for Holiday Inn. Howard’s job was anchored here. Plus, my mother and his mother lived here. In addition to that, when we had an opportunity to get together we took the kids with us and the grandmothers. We literally made it a family affair. It was a beautiful thing. Even for those who are married and don’t have strong extended family sometimes your friends don’t mind keeping the kids so you can have some me time.
6. Remember your husband is the man of the house and let him be the man.
I used to run so much stuff. When I was in corporate I ran a department. When I’m at church I tend to be a leader. What I recognize is that men have this thing called EGO and they need to feel that they are not only desirable but they’re needed. I think the extent to which women are strategic and smart and savvy in how we make him feel those things is really important. So many times we feel we have to tell men how things are going to be done. Well that might be fine if it’s not someone that you intend to build a life with because if you really love somebody then you understand and get into their head and give them what they need to keep them strong and to pump their ego and to make sure they feel valued. Everybody has a desire to feel valued.
Always let your man think an idea or a decision is his, but you know it was really yours (LOL)! Always make the man feel like he is the man. Some young women don’t understand the value of that. What I have come to realize is if you want something, plant a seed, pepper it with comments and let it grow. Then one day he’ll come to you with an idea that you knew was yours all along. Just say great idea! Where’d you get that from! If you’re smart, wise and mature you’ll understand. (LOL) That works in business too.
7. Rely on trust and be committed.
I was often gone, but Howard never gave me any reason to doubt his loyalty and his commitment to me. I guess I would have been a little more scrutinizing and less secure in my position if he had. The foundation of any strong relationship, especially a marriage, is trust. The moment that trust is shaken by an indiscretion it would be very difficult to rebuild that trust again. I don’t have time to run a man down and try to figure out who he’s talking to. I’ve got too much to do.
Howard and I have had issues where we disagreed but we never thought about one of us leaving. We’ve never even talked about that. I’m in this for life.
8. Be willing to compromise and do things your mate likes.
All relationships require compromise. Howard is a traditional male and he very much believes I need to cook and I need to do this and that. Well, I also believe that if you get home first you need to start dinner and you need to put the dishes in the dishwasher (LOL)! Sometimes women have to work on molding that. Household duties have to be a shared responsibility in a busy household, but I make sure our home is the way he likes it. Howard doesn’t ask for much. He’s pretty easy. He likes a clean, organized house. He likes for me to be available to do things with him when it’s important to him. He would like for me to spend less time working and more time relaxing but it’s really hard for me to do that in the middle of so much stuff that I have on my plate. He loves to travel, and I love to travel. Howard is spontaneous so sometimes I try to surprise him with spontaneity and that works for us. It’s all about how you view it and when you realize that the end result is respect, admiration, love, a long term commitment and affection and all of those things that are wonderful about relationships---you don’t mind the compromise.
Howard is a good husband and father. Around Thanksgiving, I mentioned that we had never been to Paris and suggested we go for New Year’s Eve. I don’t think I was even all that serious, but Howard got to work planning the trip and that’s where we brought our New Year’s in together. That was done out of love and I know it. I’m very blessed.
Explore the male point of view of having it all by visiting with her husband, Howard Robertson.
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