Corey Coleman: Some Things Are Worth Waiting For
"There are two things that will always change a relationship and those are sex and money. When those things get involved relationships get very, very different. With the absence of the physical aspects you are left to just deal with that person."
I first met Corey in young adult Bible study. He and his girlfriend Kenia, who is now his wife, were attending the class. One day our teacher asked all of the virgins in the room to stand up. At least four people stood up and Corey was the only male. I thought to myself, WOW that’s not something you see every day. It became obvious during our interview that he was definitely a man after God's own heart. I appreciate his willingness to share with my readers why he made the decision to save himself for marriage and why he was more than worth the wait.
GW: At what age did you make the decision to wait until marriage to have sex?
Corey: I was 13. I was at church and I was sitting on the back row listening to a sermon. The pastor was going in-depth into what fornication was and the fact that sex outside of marriage was against the will of God . It was probably one of the most depressing day of my life as a 13 year old because at that point had been paying close attention to what the media, TV, your friends present sex to be. It’s kind of like alcohol…when you get 21 you can drink. Sex was something you could do when you got older. I was thinking now I gotta wait even longer!
As I did more and more studies on sex, I got a good understanding of how God views it. You get the understanding that it’s more serious than we make it out to be. Here I am coming up in the 80’s where AIDS is now being talked about and teen pregnancy seems popular. Those things kind of helped the situation. There were other things that came into play. I love my grandfather and my dad was one of eleven children but there were also about 10 or 11 other children born outside of the family. My dad had to go to school with some of those kids. So looking at that, I was like this is serious. I didn’t want any children. I didn’t want any diseases. I looked at other men I knew who were now divorced because of adultery. I saw the ugly side and I realized that this thing isn’t as glamorous as how they make it seem in the movies or TV. It comes with real consequences.
As I got older I heard more. I attended different Bible studies. I tried to look at sex the way God looked at it. I still wasn’t having sex and I found myself on a course to get it right. It took much, much prayer and being preoccupied with a lot of other things.
GW: How did it affect you social relationships once you revealed to others that you were still a virgin and you were saving yourself for marriage?
In high school I really didn’t talk about it and I didn’t get a whole lot of questions but in those relationships the young ladies usually thought it was a good thing. Most of us knew what we were supposed to be doing but most of us weren’t practicing it.
GW: So, you didn’t feel any pressure to have sex?
Corey: I didn’t feel pressure. For a guy it’s a little different. The pressure doesn’t come from females. You may get it from other guys. But my group of friends, they didn’t pressure me. They didn’t even ask about it. It wasn’t until I got to college that it became a topic. I attended UT Chattanooga and colleges, depending on the campus, can be like mini hotels. You’re all over the place. You have freedom from your parents. Some people don’t know how to handle that and just wild out. Some people ended up going home early because it.
GW: Some people feel like college is your sexual enlightenment years?
Corey: And that’s unfortunate. That’s one of those things that the world puts out there. Sow your oats. Do your thing because at some point you’re gonna be married and then it’s all over. So many people buy into it--that you can decide later to clean up your life and of course you can, but look how much time and hard learned lessons went on before they change. Then, I was also in a fraternity. I’m a member of Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity and still being a virgin is uncommon in a frat. I guess you could say people looked at it as an oddity, but they respected it in the end and that was the thing that always kind of helped out from the human side. From the spiritual side, I always tried to remember that I was doing what God would have me to do. But there were also those [women] who sought after me because of it.
GW: How did you deal with women? Especially, those who sought to seduce you.
Corey: By the time I got to college my perspective was more hardened on it. I was of the opinion that I still had to make it. It was almost insulting if a woman came at me like that. I was like, ‘This is what you’re trying to do? You have no interest in me but you want to be the one to say you know Corey, that Kappa who was holding out, I was able to break him down?’ I heard about discussions women had about that. I just felt it was classless if someone tried to do that. I didn’t go for it and thankfully, I was able to see through that stuff.
I hated the perception that I was somehow some saint because I wasn’t guilty of that particular thing. I have a bad temper, and I still have to work on that to this day. People assumed that I was a preacher. I'm not. I wasn't perfect.
GW: Let’s back up a little bit. You grew up with both parents in the home. Was this something that your parents encouraged?
Corey: They did. I was brought up in church. We had a youth Bible study dealing with relationships. All those things helped out and my parents reinforced that. They weren’t on me about. They were very open and honest with me about the reality of sex and abstinence.
GW: Ok, now you’re in your 20’s. You got through college. You’re in the adult world now. Did dating change for you?
Corey: No, not really. The women are more mature now. Some of them understood my choices and respected it. I had some women who chose not to date me because of it and that was fine. In that situation you’re like, ‘Man. Really?’ but you get over it. There was a certain peace that I had through prayer and studying. I’ve looked at my life and I really haven’t encountered the drama that so many other young men have. I was blessed. I had graduated from college. I had a job that I was doing well it. I bought a car and a house. I felt like it would be a slap in God’s face to get that far and give in. It got difficult sometimes but when in doubt pray. Sex is a great thing but it’s not what we make it out to be. It’s not worth the trouble, the problems, the attachments that often come with it.
GW: How old were you when you started dating your wife?
Corey: We met when I was 26 and we got married when I was 28. We dated about a year and a half.
GW: Was it harder for you to abstain once you were in love?
Corey: I only remember having one moment like that. Kenia was really dedicated to living right. She understood where I was in my life and she understood where she was. She was for it. There are two things that will always change a relationship and those are sex and money. When those things get involved relationships get very, very different. With the absence of the physical aspects you are left to just deal with that person. All you can do is let the person know who you are and figure out who they are in order to determine if the two of you are compatible.
The physical component can really mess your mind up. Even something as simple as kissing. My wife and I met in November and we didn’t share a kiss until February. That was my choice. I thought she was beautiful but I didn’t want anything mixing my mind up concerning what I thought about her. She understood and respected what I was trying to do. It was only one time I felt like what I was doing was going to kill me. But I learned to look at it like this…if I can get through today. Don’t look at it like I have to wait 10 years because I don’t plan on getting married for 10 years. Look at it like if I can get by today then, I can get through tomorrow. When tomorrow comes say hey I made it through yesterday. When you deny yourself that physical thing you actually get stronger. People allow themselves to give in thinking I’ll just do it this one time but giving in makes you weaker for the next time.
GW: What are your thoughts on sayings like you need to try your shoes on before you buy them or what if it’s horrible then you’re stuck with it or any kind of negative thinking like that?
Corey: That’s nonsense. Those are such worldly comments. I’ve seen so many other things the word presented that didn’t pan out. So, the whole try the milk before you buy the cow thing was just lame to me. I had family members who had done that so I didn’t have to look far to see that those statements didn’t hold water.
GW: Ok let’s wrap this up. What is Corey’s formula for victorious celibacy?
Corey: I would say look at sex the way God looks at sex and that will change your way of thinking. Remember the verse, let this mind be in you that is also in Christ Jesus. If you can shoot towards that He’ll walk with you through it. Once you realize the benefit of doing it His way. Sex is not even negotiable.
Mr. and Mrs. Coleman welcomed their first child Chase Anthony into the world July 18th. Congrats!!
I first met Corey in young adult Bible study. He and his girlfriend Kenia, who is now his wife, were attending the class. One day our teacher asked all of the virgins in the room to stand up. At least four people stood up and Corey was the only male. I thought to myself, WOW that’s not something you see every day. It became obvious during our interview that he was definitely a man after God's own heart. I appreciate his willingness to share with my readers why he made the decision to save himself for marriage and why he was more than worth the wait.
GW: At what age did you make the decision to wait until marriage to have sex?
Corey: I was 13. I was at church and I was sitting on the back row listening to a sermon. The pastor was going in-depth into what fornication was and the fact that sex outside of marriage was against the will of God . It was probably one of the most depressing day of my life as a 13 year old because at that point had been paying close attention to what the media, TV, your friends present sex to be. It’s kind of like alcohol…when you get 21 you can drink. Sex was something you could do when you got older. I was thinking now I gotta wait even longer!
As I did more and more studies on sex, I got a good understanding of how God views it. You get the understanding that it’s more serious than we make it out to be. Here I am coming up in the 80’s where AIDS is now being talked about and teen pregnancy seems popular. Those things kind of helped the situation. There were other things that came into play. I love my grandfather and my dad was one of eleven children but there were also about 10 or 11 other children born outside of the family. My dad had to go to school with some of those kids. So looking at that, I was like this is serious. I didn’t want any children. I didn’t want any diseases. I looked at other men I knew who were now divorced because of adultery. I saw the ugly side and I realized that this thing isn’t as glamorous as how they make it seem in the movies or TV. It comes with real consequences.
As I got older I heard more. I attended different Bible studies. I tried to look at sex the way God looked at it. I still wasn’t having sex and I found myself on a course to get it right. It took much, much prayer and being preoccupied with a lot of other things.
GW: How did it affect you social relationships once you revealed to others that you were still a virgin and you were saving yourself for marriage?
In high school I really didn’t talk about it and I didn’t get a whole lot of questions but in those relationships the young ladies usually thought it was a good thing. Most of us knew what we were supposed to be doing but most of us weren’t practicing it.
GW: So, you didn’t feel any pressure to have sex?
Corey: I didn’t feel pressure. For a guy it’s a little different. The pressure doesn’t come from females. You may get it from other guys. But my group of friends, they didn’t pressure me. They didn’t even ask about it. It wasn’t until I got to college that it became a topic. I attended UT Chattanooga and colleges, depending on the campus, can be like mini hotels. You’re all over the place. You have freedom from your parents. Some people don’t know how to handle that and just wild out. Some people ended up going home early because it.
GW: Some people feel like college is your sexual enlightenment years?
Corey: And that’s unfortunate. That’s one of those things that the world puts out there. Sow your oats. Do your thing because at some point you’re gonna be married and then it’s all over. So many people buy into it--that you can decide later to clean up your life and of course you can, but look how much time and hard learned lessons went on before they change. Then, I was also in a fraternity. I’m a member of Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity and still being a virgin is uncommon in a frat. I guess you could say people looked at it as an oddity, but they respected it in the end and that was the thing that always kind of helped out from the human side. From the spiritual side, I always tried to remember that I was doing what God would have me to do. But there were also those [women] who sought after me because of it.
GW: How did you deal with women? Especially, those who sought to seduce you.
Corey: By the time I got to college my perspective was more hardened on it. I was of the opinion that I still had to make it. It was almost insulting if a woman came at me like that. I was like, ‘This is what you’re trying to do? You have no interest in me but you want to be the one to say you know Corey, that Kappa who was holding out, I was able to break him down?’ I heard about discussions women had about that. I just felt it was classless if someone tried to do that. I didn’t go for it and thankfully, I was able to see through that stuff.
I hated the perception that I was somehow some saint because I wasn’t guilty of that particular thing. I have a bad temper, and I still have to work on that to this day. People assumed that I was a preacher. I'm not. I wasn't perfect.
GW: Let’s back up a little bit. You grew up with both parents in the home. Was this something that your parents encouraged?
Corey: They did. I was brought up in church. We had a youth Bible study dealing with relationships. All those things helped out and my parents reinforced that. They weren’t on me about. They were very open and honest with me about the reality of sex and abstinence.
GW: Ok, now you’re in your 20’s. You got through college. You’re in the adult world now. Did dating change for you?
Corey: No, not really. The women are more mature now. Some of them understood my choices and respected it. I had some women who chose not to date me because of it and that was fine. In that situation you’re like, ‘Man. Really?’ but you get over it. There was a certain peace that I had through prayer and studying. I’ve looked at my life and I really haven’t encountered the drama that so many other young men have. I was blessed. I had graduated from college. I had a job that I was doing well it. I bought a car and a house. I felt like it would be a slap in God’s face to get that far and give in. It got difficult sometimes but when in doubt pray. Sex is a great thing but it’s not what we make it out to be. It’s not worth the trouble, the problems, the attachments that often come with it.
GW: How old were you when you started dating your wife?
Corey: We met when I was 26 and we got married when I was 28. We dated about a year and a half.
GW: Was it harder for you to abstain once you were in love?
Corey: I only remember having one moment like that. Kenia was really dedicated to living right. She understood where I was in my life and she understood where she was. She was for it. There are two things that will always change a relationship and those are sex and money. When those things get involved relationships get very, very different. With the absence of the physical aspects you are left to just deal with that person. All you can do is let the person know who you are and figure out who they are in order to determine if the two of you are compatible.
The physical component can really mess your mind up. Even something as simple as kissing. My wife and I met in November and we didn’t share a kiss until February. That was my choice. I thought she was beautiful but I didn’t want anything mixing my mind up concerning what I thought about her. She understood and respected what I was trying to do. It was only one time I felt like what I was doing was going to kill me. But I learned to look at it like this…if I can get through today. Don’t look at it like I have to wait 10 years because I don’t plan on getting married for 10 years. Look at it like if I can get by today then, I can get through tomorrow. When tomorrow comes say hey I made it through yesterday. When you deny yourself that physical thing you actually get stronger. People allow themselves to give in thinking I’ll just do it this one time but giving in makes you weaker for the next time.
GW: What are your thoughts on sayings like you need to try your shoes on before you buy them or what if it’s horrible then you’re stuck with it or any kind of negative thinking like that?
Corey: That’s nonsense. Those are such worldly comments. I’ve seen so many other things the word presented that didn’t pan out. So, the whole try the milk before you buy the cow thing was just lame to me. I had family members who had done that so I didn’t have to look far to see that those statements didn’t hold water.
GW: Ok let’s wrap this up. What is Corey’s formula for victorious celibacy?
Corey: I would say look at sex the way God looks at sex and that will change your way of thinking. Remember the verse, let this mind be in you that is also in Christ Jesus. If you can shoot towards that He’ll walk with you through it. Once you realize the benefit of doing it His way. Sex is not even negotiable.
Mr. and Mrs. Coleman welcomed their first child Chase Anthony into the world July 18th. Congrats!!
Check out some of our past We Like Him Recipients.
Tank June 2011 S. Poitier February 2011 Chef Desmond Fannin November 2010
Howard Robertson March 2010 Jack Daniels February 2010 December 2009 Chef Desmond Fannin
October 2009 Devin Crutcher September 2009 Dr. Bobby Myers August 2009 Master P
July 2009 Royce Morgan
Tank June 2011 S. Poitier February 2011 Chef Desmond Fannin November 2010
Howard Robertson March 2010 Jack Daniels February 2010 December 2009 Chef Desmond Fannin
October 2009 Devin Crutcher September 2009 Dr. Bobby Myers August 2009 Master P
July 2009 Royce Morgan
